Arguments sharpen our minds and help improve our communication skills. However, arguments with narcissism are different from any other arguments with open-minded people.
Arguing with a narcissist is like pointing your canyon to yourself and you have no other choice but to blow it since the flow of argument isn’t in the right direction. But, can you win an argument with a narcissist?
Yes, winning an argument with a narcissist is possible as long as you don’t respond to them. If they insist on arguing, choose your battles carefully and you must maintain a calm tone and composure, avoid bringing up old grudges, know your truth and boundaries, then set the narcissist up to a gentle stop.
Always caught up in heated arguments with a narcissist? Continue reading this guide to help you how to win the arguing with a narcissist.
What Is A Narcissist?
In our selfie-obsessed, celebrity-driven society, the term narcissism is frequently used to describe someone who appears excessively vain or self-centered. Narcissism, on the other hand, does not imply genuine self-love.
People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are more accurately described as being in love with an idealized, grandiose version of themselves. They’re enamored with their inflated self-esteem because it allows them to avoid deep insecurity.
A pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for others, and an excessive need for admiration are all characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder.
People with NPD are frequently described by others as arrogant, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.
Narcissists have a habit of blaming others for their mistakes. They are also extremely sensitive to even the smallest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they interpret as personal attacks.
While we have mistakenly labeled egotistical people as narcissists, the personality disorder’s characteristics are present in all of us. Narcissism fuels the confidence to take risks, such as seeking promotion or asking out a beautiful stranger.
The dysfunction could be linked to identity or self-direction, or it could cause conflict in relationships due to empathy and intimacy issues.
NPD is defined as a pervasive disturbance in a person’s ability to manage emotions, retain a stable sense of self and identity, and maintain healthy work, friendship, and romantic relationships.
How To Win An Argument With A Narcissist
For narcissists, arguments are a way of life – it’s how they like to play the game. Blame shifting, gaslighting, stonewalling, and a desire to win will make an argument with a narcissist impossible to end but we got you covered. Here’s how to avoid getting stuck in an exhausting loop and win an argument with a narcissist.
1. Choose Your Battles Carefully
Most arguments with narcissists are pointless because you won’t be able to persuade them to change their minds or agree with you. If at all possible, stay away from them.
Of course, avoiding a fight isn’t always possible, so be aware of the fights you’re willing to engage in. These could include concerns about your children’s well-being, professional integrity, or financial matters.
It’s understandable to put up with their psychological assaults for the right reason, but it’s not worth it daily.
2. Don’t Respond
The first option is to avoid arguing with a narcissist. This method can help you regain power and win arguments with narcissists. It’s hard to believe that silence wins arguments, but it does. A narcissist loses if you don’t respond or give up any energy.
Since a narcissist is so good at predicting your reactions. It’s the narcissist’s most effective way to target, hit, and achieve his or her goal.
You’re being triggered because you’ve been scapegoated in the past. Your loved ones didn’t believe in you, understood, or validated you. It’s a soft, painful part of you that people didn’t see as good.
A narcissist knows how to trigger that part of you, so they do. Once you reach that emotional level through inner work, the narcissist can no longer play emotional reactions inside you.
3. Maintain A Calm Tone And Composure
Don’t match the narcissist’s volume when he or she rages and yells. Instead, speak in a calm, steady tone, as if you were trying to reason with a child who’s having a tantrum.
If you become enraged that you begin yelling as loudly as they are, they may abruptly stop yelling and reverse the “stay calm” card.
This will make you feel disoriented, defensive, and tempted to argue about whose reality is correct as a result. So don’t level narcissist arrogance.
4. Narcissists Want You To Feel Inferior
It’s important to understand narcissism so that you can win an argument with one. Narcissists are always trying to make you feel like you’re not good enough. Always be prepared to be asked difficult questions.
When in fact they’re not interested in hearing your responses. They don’t want to hear your side of the story. To release their cutting barbs on you, they only have one goal in mind.
In the end, narcissists don’t want to know you. They have no desire to hear your side of the story. Nothing matters to them but their viewpoints. To win an argument with a self-centered person, you must be aware of this.
To them, your essay of feelings is a waste of time, and they’ll tell you to stop talking or leave. It is only they who have any respect for anyone else.
5. Your Truth, Your Boundaries
Narcissists say a lot of things that aren’t true when arguing. Inane, childish diversionary remarks, excuses, and justifications when refusing to accept responsibility. So they conjure up real or imagined allies to turn others against you.
It’s easy to get caught up in disputing these claims while fighting for the right to be met, heard, cared for, and respected. No other communication is acceptable unless the narcissist meets you on a caring, connected, and committed level.
As civilized humans, they should care about your feelings, communication, and nurture a healthy relationship. That’s the standard.
It takes a lot to be apart from this person. Continue healing and releasing triggers that may cause you to give up your boundary and accept a half-hearted apology. In the end, the narcissist will leave you.
They won’t show up and provide what you need. They may threaten expulsion if you continue to be insecure.
Ensuring that you can communicate effectively with other people is critical to establishing a safe, honest, and true relationship. No one else will step up and present themselves as someone who shares your values if the narcissist does not.
6. Do Not Bring Up Old Grudges
Narcissists are masters of old grudges and grievances. They’ll bring up offenses from years ago or statements made months ago.
They are extremely sensitive and cling to past hurt feelings, which they use to weaponize in the present. Don’t fall into the trap of bringing up a previous grievance when they do.
7. Narcissists Lack Empathy
Narcissists lack empathy to the point of being completely indifferent.
Those who argue with you are not afraid to inflict pain on you. In any argument, they will say something hurtful, but you will immediately apologize and feel bad if the other person does not have empathy for your position.
There are no signs that the narcissist is going to understand the victim. They make an effort to express themselves in a specific way, and they keep changing the wording to see if they can get their point across.
Until the narcissist gives them the approval they crave, they will keep waiting.
8. You Have The Advantage Of Knowing Their Lies
First of all, you have an advantage over them because of the chaos. You have a better understanding of what is going on in their minds. You already know that they suffer from a mental illness. You are fully aware of their actions toward you.
As a result, you must exercise caution in how you respond. Responding in the way they expect you to is a surefire way to fill their narcissism tank. When you realize what’s going on, you won’t be swayed by a narcissist’s ploys.
9. Bring It To A Gentle Stop
You’ll want to end an argument with a narcissist as soon as possible because of the stonewalling and confusion. This isn’t always simple; disengagement is the best option.
Making a declarative statement will only enrage them even more, and may lead to them revisiting the subject again and again. You can end it by saying “I have nothing else to say about it“. It may not feel like a conclusion, but at the very least it is a conclusion
People treat others with curiosity, empathy, and good faith in social interactions, debates, and arguments. Conversely, a narcissist sees interaction as a lose-lose situation. It’s a game of dominance and hurting other people to win.
The one who can let go of their need to keep slamming you down is the one who wins.
Then you can save yourself a headache by not engaging with someone who consistently engages in such behavior and is not interested in resolving conflicts or discovering truth.
For those who allow themselves to feel what they’re going through before deciding whether or not to let go of it, it can be life-changing.