In this current age and time, it’s becoming more and more important for any relationship to accomplish each other’s satisfaction.
Whether it’s in the form of emotional, physical, mental, or sexual aspirations, it’s vital that you know how you can provide all these things to your partner.
If you want to explore the world of sexual practices, it’s important to be open-minded to express freely what you and your partner want.
One form of sexual practice is what we call sexual dominance where one person acts as the “dom” and the other acts as the “sub”.
To be a dominant in your bedroom, you need to check in with your partner, ask for permission, and know each other’s boundaries.
Some easy techniques that you can do are doing role-play, dirty talking with your partner, incorporating outfits during your scenes, spanking and impact play, and lastly bandaging.
In this article, we will show you how you can be a dominant in the bedroom, give some techniques on how you can do it, and discuss the responsibilities of a dominant in the relationship.
Table of Contents
What is Sexual Dominance?
Sexual dominance is a form of sexual practice where both partners receive sexual satisfaction and pleasure from performing their distinct roles during their sexual encounters.
This type of practice is an element of dominance (“dom”) and submission (“sub”) community (also shortened to D/s).
Sexual dominance is under the subcategory of BDSM play where you’ll find many kinks, erotic, and fetish practices that revolve around the power exchange dynamics with the consent of both of the partners.
During a sexual encounter and role play, one partner acts as the “dom” who holds power, asserts dominance, and guides the overall experience of the “sub”.
Depending on each other’s personalities and agreement, some people in a relationship, choose to have a constant or permanent “dom” and “sub”. Others, however, can choose to switch roles depending on their mood and preference at that given time.
Misconceptions and Stigmas
Because of the unorthodox style of BDSM, some people find it intimidating, abusive, and too aggressive, but this is not always the case.
To have a pleasurable and healthy BDSM relationship, it’s important to practice consent between each other, have open communication, and develop mutual trust.
How to Start on Becoming a Dominant
Before starting your role-playing activity with your partner, there are a few things that you need to keep in mind to ensure that you will have a happy experience in your D/s setup.
1. Get Consent
The foundation of doing BDSM sexual practices is trusting each other to still keep you safe all throughout the encounters.
Imagine surprising your partner by throwing him/her to the bed, forcefully putting your hand across their throat, and explaining in detail how you will take them.
This may sound scary, especially for novice or inexperienced individuals.
Before doing anything drastic, make sure to ask your partner if they are comfortable with what you are planning to do, ask if he/she wants to do it, and ask for any suggestions on how you can improve their experience.
Dom-Sub play requires both partners to assume a role before starting a sexual encounter. Make sure that you both agree on what role you will be playing.
Additionally, discuss the different scenes that you have in mind before actually doing them. Imagine saying to them how you’re going to tie them down and lick every inch of their body until they beg you to make them cum.
3. Understand Boundaries
Before practicing your Dom-Sub roles, it’s important to know each other’s boundaries, what you both want and don’t want to do. Ask what things you can do to encourage her reaction and action towards you.
Do they want to be talked dirty to, tied up, held down, or spanked? Once you have both aligned your boundaries, then it’s time to talk about the specifics.
4. Establish a Safe Word
The most important thing when practicing how to become dominant in the bedroom when you’re in a relationship is that you establish a safe word for yourself and your partner.
A safeword is a term that both of you will use once the actions start to become too excessive.
For example, if you’re continuously spanking her and start to do it a bit too much, she can say the safeword and you will immediately stop what you’re doing, do an aftercare task like cuddling, or lightly grazing the area where you’ve spanked her.
After doing this, he/she will let you know when it’s time to continue your session.
Remember, stop immediately what you’re doing once she mentions your agreed safeword. This term can be anything from color, fruit, place, or something that both of you find amusing or relaxing.
Techniques to Become a Dominant in the Bedroom
To start showing your dominant side when you’re in the bedroom, it’s better to start off with simple techniques. This will help you and your partner know your limits and how you can both achieve your sexual pleasures to the next level.
Here are some techniques that you can do when you’re doing it with your partner:
1. Hair Pulling
Let’s start off with a simple BDSM technique where you don’t need any tools. Hair pulling isn’t easy as it sounds.
You can’t just pull their hair anytime you want or as forceful as you would like, it’s about pulling with enough pressure and on the right spot for you to execute it properly.
If not done correctly, it can cause some serious pain to your partner, and even lose some of their hair.
Remember that the point of pulling the hair of your partner during your sexual encounters is not to cause pain on them, but to exert control over them which is the main role of a dominant.
2. Eye Contact
Another simple way to asser your dominance over your partner is by maintaining eye-to-eye contact while fucking them.
Another way to show your dominance is by telling your partner to not look at you while you’re doing your thing. Both of this ways of controlling where your partner looks is a way for you to control them.
One of the most common ways of simple BDSM is spanking where you exert physical control over your partner.
Spanking will not only make your partner feel like you’re in control, but they will also feel an arousing sensation when you do this. But you don’t just spank them anytime you want and as forcefully as you want.
There’s a right approach to spank your partner. Many people do this as a form of foreplay and other people do this when their partner is already aroused.
To know which one to do, you and your partner would need to try it first. Make sure that when you spank them, it wouldn’t be too painful that your partner gets hurt too much and won’t enjoy what you’re doing.
A good way to do this is by gently tapping and groping your partner’s ass. This will help them prepare themselves both mentally and physically.
4. Use Your Bodyweight
A good way to assert your dominance over your partner is by using your body to pin them down.
Whether you’re pushing them against the wall, the bed, or on your table or countertop, pinning them down with your body weight will put a bondage-y element between you and your partner.
5. Light Bondage
Another exciting way to show your dominance over your partner during your sexual encounter is by tying them down to the bed. Submissive partners will feel more of their role when they can’t move their body.
If it’s your partner’s first time, then you can start off by holding their hands or wrists down while you’re fucking them.
Once she enjoys this and gets comfortable, you can start your way by using BDSM tools for you and your partner to enjoy this activity even more.
We suggest that you start with the tools that are comfortable and soft at first so that it won’t get awkward too quickly.
6. Understand Your Dominance Language
To be a dominant, you need to be in the mood and have the right attitude. Some submissive people get a sudden rush when they hear the rights words from their dominant at the right time.
Sometimes, this can give them a sudden rush to the point that it can make them cum faster.
Keep in mind that you don’t need long scripts for your Dom language. All you need to do is to find simple words that makes you feel powerful.
Words like “Good Girl”, “Don’t Make a Sound”, or “Don’t Move”. If you’re a woman and is the dominant, you can say words like “You’re Not Allowed to Orgasm Unless I Cum Twice”, “You Don’t Get to Cum Unless I Say So”, or “You’re Going to Taste Me” (then you push his head down to eat you).
7. Use Honorifics
Tell your partner to call you only certain honorifics when you’re doing sexual encounters. Use words that will make you feel powerful and in control like “Master”, “Daddy”, or “Ma’am/Sir”.
8. Give Positive Affirmations
Communicating with your partner positive affirmations is a good way to show them that they are doing a good job.
Words like “I’m very impressed with what you’re doing with your mouth”, “What a good girl”, or “Keep doing what you’re doing” will not only boost their confidence but also satisfy both of your pleasures.
Edging is not considered as a dominant move, but you can do this to your partner if you haven’t done this before.
Also, if you bring the right attitude to it, you may use it as a way to control your partner’s orgasm. This is a good way to give you and your partner stronger orgasms.
Edging is done by bringing your partner close to having an orgasm and stopping right before it starts.
You can continually do this as long as you like, but just make sure that you can reach and perfect their orgasm in the end. This can bring your partner to the ultimate climax satisfaction.
Responsibilities of a Dominant
Being a dominant over your partner means you’re responsible for their well-being and overall satisfaction after your sexual encounter.
Here are several responsibilities you have as a dominant:
• Knowing the boundaries of your partner
Like what we’ve mentioned earlier, it’s important to know the boundaries of each other.
Whether you’re playing the dominant role or the submissive one, knowing when to stop when your partner is hurting is important to build the trust in your relationship and continue with your BDSM pleasures.
You should know what tools they like and don’t like, the safe word they use, the words they would like to hear, and so on.
Also, when introducing a new tool, position, or role-play, make sure that they are comfortable with it before actually doing it.
• Be familiar with all your tools
There are hundreds of sex toys and tools available for BDSM which includes riding crops, blindfolds, spanking paddles, vibrators, and wedge pillows.
Before using any new toy on your partner, make sure that both of you understand how it works and how to use it.
You wouldn’t want to cause unwanted injuries on your partner just because you want to try some things out.
Remember that doing all these things is not worth the risk if it’s the safety and security of your partner.
• Always prepare your safety supplies
Since exploring the world of D/s and BDSM can be both nerve-wracking and exciting, it’s important that both of your partner is safe from any trouble.
Some sexual encounters can be more intense than the others which is why it’s important to always prepare your safety supplies.
Some of the things that you might need are soothing rags, bandages, keys to unlock any of the tools, and shears or scissors to cut through clothes, ties, and so on.
Also, keep in mind the medical conditions of you and your partner. Make sure that all your medicines are within your reach so that you can immediately act on any emergency medical situation.
• Always check-in with your partner
Although you’ve both already planned out what you would want to do, always ask your partner if they are fine with what you’re doing. If you don’t want to ruin the mood by asking such questions, you can easily talk to them (in a dirty way) to see how they are doing.
A simple question like, “You like that, don’t you?” can easily tell you how your partner is doing.
• Always do aftercare
Aftercare is one of the most essential parts of BDSM and it’s especially true with the dominant and submissive element.
Since these types of sexual encounters can be emotionally and physically stressful, it’s important that you and your partner engage in a healthy aftercare every after sexual encounter.
Some of the things that you can do are cuddling, cleaning up together, and discussing your experience.
All these things can help you create a positive and safe environment for you and your partner foster a sense of emotional well-being, calmness, and overall physical wellness.
Practicing on how to be a dominant in your bedroom is not a one man’s job. You would need the full cooperation and understanding of your partner for them to freely become submissive.
Before doing any sexual activity with the D/s in mind, make sure that you and your partner has agreed to do it and that everything that you need is complete.
From discussing what to do, to always communicating with your partner during your sexual intercourse, and doing aftercare activities can help you and your partner build a stronger relationship and have a more exciting adventures in your bed.